Birthday thoughts

Dear friends,

Sunday was my birthday. Last year, I attacked it with a plan to take some friends out to dinner, to "own" my own brithday celebration.  It was a good time with them.  This year, I wanted to forget about it - or at least I pretended to, and tried to ignore it as much as possible.  I wasn't able to - my church family was on top of it and I had three different recognitions of my birthday, including a small party held for dear friends, and a small group who surprised me with dinner and a cake (shared with another woman in the group!).  I am thankful for a church that loves me well like this.

But I also realized that this is a new normal for me - every year, this will come around.  And as wonderful as what my friends did, there was no way to fill the void in the room, to ignore the gaping hole that I felt in each celebration.  And there will not be birthday cards on the mirror in the bathroom, or sweet cards carefully written with her love by my kids, or breakfast in bed, or many of those things.  I wouldn't want others to try to do it - that might just seem weird! - but they are still a loss, nonetheless. 

I have also been reminded of her this week because I often scan news articles for things about cancer, and ran across a story of a fairly high profile musician who was in her last days of battling cancer.  I find it helpful because it validates the reality of my life in some ways, that I am not alone in what we have walked through, and it can help me to feel the feelings of mourning and grief that I don't do well at on my own.  But because she and her husband made music together, this was really profound.  The blog of her story can be found at http://thislifeilive.com/ but the song I've been listening to this week is this:  http://thislifeilive.com/when-im-gone/  She went to be with the Lord on Friday. 

I just thought I share a little bit of what I'm thinking of.  I also got to preach on singleness from I Cor. 7:32-40...the Lord seems to have given me a unique perspective on such issues, being single until 38 and again single at 46.  May it be profitable for our church.

OK I need to sleep, but wanted to get some thoughts out there.  Thanks for your support and encouragement.

Matt