Signs of life...

Dear friends,

I thought I would give you an update.  Last week we were home almost all the week - the first three days because the kids were sick, and I was fighting something, so I was home for some of those days, and then we had two snow days on top of that.  But I look back and think, maybe the Lord knew the Coburns needed a breather after two very full months - and since I wasn't going to make it happen, He did!  I'm thankful for the rest, though I'm still getting caught up at church.

Along with the week with more rest than expected, there have also been some hopeful signs of life.  I realize that my last few posts may have seemed pretty down - and, well, that is not inaccurate to describe my own state of being for much of the last two months.  But not all is lost!

First of all, we went out a few weeks ago, and found a wonderful pet store with the vision for replacing our fishbowl with an upgrade - and what a treasure we found.  "We are going to build you an ecosystem!", he boasted, and he has.  We now have 15 fish, 3 frogs, 4 snails (and a few babies!), live plants, and a fish tank that hopefully takes care of itself apart from feeding and some weekly maintenance!  We have had a lot of fun watching the fish make a home, and it has felt redemptive for me as well - something lost, but something good and new in its place as well.  Amen to that (plus, Dad got something right, that it was worth it!)

Secondly, I am feeling a little bit rejuvenated personally.  Tonight was valentines day - and though I

Valentines Dinner

failed to bring out the tiny toy mailboxes we had used in the past to send many notes to one another, Dad decided that my little ones would be the best date ever and I decided to pull out the stops and cook something nice - Surf (shrimp sauteed in butter) and Turf (rib-eye trimmed into heart shapes and stove-top grilled, plus steamed asparagus, special drinks (no, not wine, but locally made root beer and ginger ale), and to top it off, strawberries dipped in chocolate.  We turned down the lights, lit the candles and had a joyful dinner together.  On a day that has not been easy in the past two years, it was a good night together.  I'm thankful for that.

And deeper down, the sense of hopeful anticipation continues to slowly but surely rise.  We have been preaching through Luke at our church, and week after week being reminded that when Jesus comes into our lives, He brings all that He is and take the center place in our lives, reorienting our affections toward him while assuring us that He is for us, to rescue us and be with us.  This is the foundation of any hopeful anticipation - not that my life circumstances might change or improve (though I hope they might), not that my loneliness will disappear (though I hope it might), nor that things will become easy or simple (though maybe a day or two would be nice) - but that with Jesus, I have all that I every really wanted or needed, and that I can pursue Him with all my heart knowing that He will be for me in this life, no matter what form that might take.  

It leaves me looking ahead to the spring, hoping for more of Jesus in my life - but also wondering what is around the next corner of this life journey that He is leading me on.  I still have days when I don't think I can keep going, days when I feel all my limitations and feel stuck in a pattern of just surviving - but I believe it can be better than that with Jesus, and I am hoping for that as I look ahead.  I don't know if there are changes ahead, and whether they are a circumstantial shift or an internal reorientation that allows me to move from surviving to thriving.  But I know Who I am following, and that has given me renewed hope, and some anticipation about this spring. 

Please pray for me for all of this!  I often lose sight during the day, and feel overwhelmed, unable, weak, and I can slip into despairing or resignation - but there is something else, there, too, and I hope that the Lord will fan it into flame.  Thank you friends for listening and praying from far and near.